What is "coaching" and what does a coach actually do?
It's almost foolishly simple. But here’s what you might not know.
It’s almost foolishly simple: a coach asks questions, and a client’s life transforms.
Here’s what you might not know about that yet:
A coach asks questions to help the client discover the architecture behind their answer — and then addresses that architecture.
What’s behind the answer is more real and more powerful than the actual words presented in the answer. If a client is seeking transformation through coaching, what has to change is not merely their answers but the place from which those answers arise.
You can see this truth at work in Scripture, and in physics.
“Brood of vipers! How can you, being evil, speak good things? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.” —Matthew 12:34
Often what the heart is actually in agreement with does not come out explicitly — at least, not at first. Let me give you two examples from my work in coaching, and two from scripture.
One question I ask my clients is:
“What is it like for you to discover you have been wrong about something?”
I’ll often follow that up with:
“When you discover you have been wrong about something, how ready and willing are you to apologize and make amends where necessary?”
The architecture behind their answer reveals so much, including how they hold humility, love for other, grief, and courage. Where those structures are corroded with pride, selfishness, stubbornness, and fear reveals something about the way decisions are likely made elsewhere in life.
Those decisions and patterns will continue in the client’s life until the underlying architecture which informs them is changed.
When I ask:
“What needs to shift in the dynamic with your business partner?”…
…a client not might speak the words:
“I’m bitter at my business partner for assuming he can work 15% as much as I do and still get paid as much as I do,”…
…but that is the architecture of the heart underneath what is said out loud:
“Eh, I think we’re managing.”
I use the word “architecture” because that is what words, thoughts, and intentions are: they are vibrational architectures. What you believe in your heart—even if it’s “just words”—is a structural reality shaping everything you do and engage with.
Just because it’s an invisible reality doesn’t mean it’s less real than what’s visible (or that it’s not real at all).
Check this out:
Recently, I came across this piece by Vince Guerra on frequencies and worship where he mentioned a name I have not seen in a long time—Masaru Emoto.
Masaru Emoto is a Japanese scientist who, through experiments with high-speed cameras and sound, found that thoughts and intentions (things that are unseen but very real) not only impact the one who holds them, but the world and people around them.
“For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart. And there is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are naked and open to the eyes of Him to whom we must give account.”
—Hebrews 4:12-13
Emoto showed how the molecular structure in water transforms when it is exposed to human words, thoughts, sounds and intentions:
Now consider that roughly 60% of your physical human body is water. The water of your body is in direct physical contact with the resonance of not only your physical words, but the thoughts and intents of the heart which produced those words.
This is physical evidence of the reality Jesus speaks about when He says:
“what comes out of a man, that defiles the man, for from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders, thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lewdness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within and defile a man.” —Mark 7:21-23
Each of those “evil things” which are named by words have a corresponding structural reality and signature to them (as evidenced in the photos above). That which is in your heart and proceeds out of your mouth affects the literal structure of molecules of at least 60% of your body.
Words are sound are structures are relationships.
This is actually the revelation that brought me to salvation: “the Word is Sound is Structure is Relationship.” To what you agree—and with who—is that which shapes, structures, and manifests through you.
When you agree with the Person who upholds the entire universe by the Word of His power, His words are what shape and structure your life from the inside out. And His words are the structural environment in which Life, Truth, and Light exist.
“For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them.” —Matthew 18:20
A single dot or point is not a structure. The most basic structure—a line—requires two points, and the structural reality of the line is what connects them. That’s a relationship. Add a third point, and you have a triangle. And inside the triangle, you have an environment.
Establish the environment according to the preferences of the One who will inhabit the environment, and He shows up.
When you disagree with Him, there’s only one structural option for you: death, lies, and darkness. That’s not a moral issue.
But as I said, what the heart is actually in agreement with often does not come out explicitly — at least, not at first.
Here are two examples from scripture.
“Then the Pharisees went and plotted how they might entangle Him in His talk. And they sent to Him their disciples with the Herodians, saying,
‘Teacher, we know that You are true, and teach the way of God in truth; nor do You care about anyone, for You do not regard the person of men. Tell us, therefore, what do You think? Is it lawful to pay taxes to Caesar, or not’
But Jesus perceived their wickedness, and said, ‘Why do you test Me, you hypocrites? Show Me the tax money.’”
—Matthew 22:15-19
The Pharisees’ intent was wickedness, yet their words appeared otherwise. They were performing. Jesus knew it and dealt with it accordingly (because He is the incarnate Word of God who discerns the thoughts and intents of the heart, cf. Heb 4:12-13 again).
He called them what they actually were: performers. The architecture under their words was incongruent with actual words themselves, but they pretended otherwise. Jesus addressed that.
Here’s another scripture:
“So all bore witness to Him, and marveled at the gracious words which proceeded out of His mouth. And they said, ‘Is this not Joseph’s son?’
He said to them, ‘You will surely say this proverb to Me, “Physician, heal yourself! Whatever we have heard done in Capernaum, do also here in Your country.”’ …
So all those in the synagogue, when they heard these things, were filled with wrath, and rose up and thrust Him out of the city; and they led Him to the brow of the hill on which their city was built, that they might throw Him down over the cliff.
—Luke 4:22-29
At first, the words of those in the synagogue were of a marvelous quality—they were in awe about what Jesus was sharing with them.
Then, He addressed the architecture of their hearts, about how they would demand signs from Him, but that He would do things not based on their desires but based on the command of His Father only.
Their response flipped 180º, revealing the truth of what had been lurking in their hearts all along. Had it not been there before, it would not have erupted out of them.
“A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth evil. For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.”
—Luke 6:45
This same thing can happen in a coaching relationship.
The client comes in thinking one thing—expecting things to go a certain way—but then the coach speaks to something wayyyy deeper than the client ever imagined possible. The coach dared to say what no one else in the client’s life would ever say to them.
With the right context around the relationship, those moments are t.h.e. transformational moments—the moments that bring the insight necessary for breakthrough and growth.
Great coaches are not “friendly.” They are fearless and are more interested in what’s actually best for a client than pleasing them—even to the point of risking the relationship against the pursuit of Truth, even to the point of telling potential clients “no, working together is not a good fit for you right now.”
The most valuable thing about coaching is the insight that arises out of the midst of the relationship. That’s why establishing the relationship on powerful agreements is so essential.
Without setting the context of the relationship, those moments of truth-telling can be experienced as offensive, leading to the disintegration of the relationship, keeping the client stuck and untransformed.
The agreement establishes the environment of the transformation, and fortifies the space against collapse when deep, foundational structures are shaken, reshaped, and established upon better promises.
Next week, I’ll write to you more about the nature of agreements. Be sure you’re subscribed to receive it.
Until then, you can:
→ Apply for 1:1 Foundations Coaching — Let’s find out what is foundational for you to be present in your life and family. When you honor and obey the intended structural dynamics between you, your wife, family, business, and beyond, you are able to be present in your life, to care for that which is yours to steward, and you will find yourself experientially supported in spirit, soul, body. This offering is for men only and is a three-month commitment. Details here.
→ Get the replay of my most recent event — “Business: In Season with God” was an event designed to help you walk in step with the God of Eternity through the life-cycles and seasons of your business and clients. You always be fruitful—even when it is dry and barren. Regardless of industry, you will get clarity of your current season in business and how to rightly relate with it, understanding of the five seasons of relationship and how to steward them well, key indicators to discern ripeness in leads & client relationships, and more. Details here.